Saturday, May 1, 2010

I feel...

Contrary to popular belief, I do feel. Some think that I'm cold and unfeeling while others think that I'm really good a faking it. What they ALL fail to see is that I have allowed them to see a twisted version of the true me. We all do it. It's a form of self preservation. But I do feel. I feel a lot. I may not cry once a week like some of my overly emotional female friends, but I do take time once a week to evaluate (some might say rationalize) my feelings. What I have recently realized is that I feel stuck. I feel stuck at work. I feel stuck at school. I feel stuck in my friend ships. I feel stuck in my romantic relationships. There are areas and people that I want to push from one position in my life to another but feel that If I push the issue that I'll lose them forever while there are other people I'd just kill to push off this chess board I like to call my life.

Sometimes I think I'm destined to not have a meaningful relationship of ANY kind and what's sad is I'm ok with that. Since a young age it's just be me solely caring about me and the idea of someone outside of my bubble taking a legitimate interest in my well being seems almost like a fairytale. Like one of those Disney movies that also gives little girls these unrealistic expectations about love and marriage and blah blah blah.

*Sigh* Well that little rant is done and over with. Right now here in Arkansas we are riding out the end of a ride down Tornado Alley. Two nights in a row we have had twisters touch down and tear through communities. Lives were lost. Homes were taken down to the foundations. But in true Arkansas fashion, we come together to help our own. It will take time, but we will heal. I'm hoping to edit some more photos and post them later on tonight. If any one is ready, enjoy. If not, I'll look at this blog as free Therapy.

1 comment:

  1. Hmmmm. Hmmmm. Yes, this is very good therapy--I've gotten that use out of blogging myself. REcently I wrote a piece merely observing, not lamenting, the fact that we are all really alone in this life. Being upset about it is like being upset about aging. You can dislike it, but it doesn't change things.

    However, back to your post: Being "unfeeling" is like the last thing I would think about you. In fact, quite the opposite. I see you as introspective and quite feeling.

    As for the rest...well, time will tell. Just keep up with the's good for you, and the bonus (for me) is that I love reading it! C